Specialist Robert Jameson...

miss you babe....

come home soon!

need I say more...

Currently Listening Extreme Behavior By Hinder you deserve much better then me see related

Life.. You can't live with it,

And you certainly can't live without it.

My life right now is crazy. Things just aren't going the way that I had planned. I guess that is how it happens right? I don't know what's worse, the things going wrong or the fact that I am really not caring about it. My main problem is that I throw my heart out there and it just gets stepped on. I am so sick of being lied to, cheated on, and all around being let down. Isn't there on guy out there who actually cares? I'm starting to wonder. I think one of my biggest issues is that no matter how hard that I try it's just no use.

I am tired of trying to be so happy all the time. I mean, I don't have a bad life. I have a wonderful family, amazing friends and a good paying job. I however am tired of putting on my happy face when I'm not happy. I was hanging out with the girls (Darrelle, Jessica, Sam, C.J.) and Kelso tonight and they could see that I wasn't myself. After San and I left D text me because she thought that something was wrong. I told her that I was homesick, which I am, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. Why is it that I can't let people in? I mean D is one of my best friends in the world and yet I can't tell her what is really bothering me. I guess it's because I am not exactly sure myself.

I guess that I am still trying to figure that part out. I'm not writing this post because I think that you should feel sorry for me, I am blogging this because perhaps writing it out will help me figure out things. I know that this may seem a little strange but usually writing works... I guess this time it just isn't.

After Bill and I broke up I told myself that there was no point in waiting anymore. I then proceeded to humiliate myself by putting myself out there just to get shot down. I know that this guy cares because if he didn't he still wouldn't be in my life. I also know that he is an amazing person and if I could stop looking at him the way I do, I would, but I can't. I'm not saying that I love him. I do, but just as a friend. I'm not allowing myself to like him more then that right now. I can't. I am sick of guys breaking my heart. I know that his heart has been broken in the past too and I just couldn't live with myself if I did that to him. SO for now, we're friends... and I am beginning to be okay with that. We're still good friends which is a good thing. I just wish that I could find someone who felt the same way about me that I felt about them.

I am tired of disappointment. I am tired of not having enough time for me. I am tired of not having enough time to go home. I am tired of not having enough time for family. I am tired of being used and being stepped on. I am so tired in fact that I can't sleep. I haven't had a good nights sleep in what seems like ages.

I just want my life to go back to normal. Whatever that normal might be. Too bad you can't go back in time to where boys had cooties and mom and dad could solve everything. ahh... to be young again. A life without complications where the only thing you had to worry about was sibling rivalry.

I have much more to say but not tonight and since no one will proably read this anyway... I' done for now.

Currently Listening Confessions By Usher see related

WOW! It's been a while...

since I have put anything on here and I thought that it was about time to update my life. WELL HERE GOES NOTHING...

I am currently single as of a month ago Sunday. It's not all the bad I guess I mean it could be worse but it's defiantly different. It sucks that Bill and I aren't together but in the loong run i think that it;s a good thing I mean we were together for two years and our lives were starting to do the splits so I guess it's good that we did too! As for my current love life, well it's almost non-exiastant but the dating scene is fun to get back into. Especially the whole no strings part. I haven't been single in so long that I had forgotten how fun it was!

I'm in my second year at northwest (Business Management & Marketing Major(s) ) and things are getting off to a great start. I have my own apartment BUT I think that I am going to move out and get a roommate for next year, afterall I mean why not. I think it would be better then talking to the walls of my current one... right? Well classes are good and the homework isn't overloading... yet.

I am still working at Hardee's in the Ville and I am going to be a manager soon, so that should be interesting. I haven't worked there all that long so it's kind of flattering that they want to promote me. It's an easy job. I like most of the people there. AND it's a lot different from the GOOD OL' LC, but that's a good thing i guess. The good news is the whole manager position goes along with my major so maybe I can so something with that.

I don't think that there is really anything else going on at this point in time. So if you still have xanga and you are actually reading this. Give me a call sometime if you want to know more. 3832159

Love,
Amanda Kathleen

the holidays

 are coming and I am stoked!

Currently Listening Extreme Behavior By Hinder lips of an angel see related

Sometimes I wish...

that someone would give me all the right answers in life. Then things might not be so complicated. I can't stand where my love life is right now.... in pieces. I hate feeling this way. There is just something about being alone that I hate. I'll get better eventually, but as for right now I am just going to wallow in my own pity for a little while. Then, like always, I'll get bakcd on my feet. Someday....